There are times in my life where I feel like a near-complete failure. It seems that everything I want to do desperately is doomed to fail
before I even begin, and I know it will most likely not succeed, making failure almost guaranteed. In many cases, it feels like I even sabotage
my own goals for some unknown, sinister reason… like I’m fighting with myself and have a power struggle with my own goals. The devil’s on the
left shoulder and the angel on the right.

I’m tired of the left shoulder winning out.

There are many areas of life where failure continues to prevail, despite consistently new plans of hopeful success.
Why? Is my self control so lacking that I don’t even have a hope, or evidently a prayer, of fulfillment? I’m waiting for God’s strength to
shine in my many many weaknesses, but I’ve been waiting for a long time. I’m not sure what more I can do than ask for help, but when I feel
alone still, the act of even asking has become another fail. I don’t like having to guess whether or not my heart is in the right place. I am
just doing the best I can.

I do see success in other areas, however: photography, music, business, relationships…  God’s hand is abundantly evident in these successes. I could never take credit for the rapid progress and fulfillment there. I’m just ready to be shown how a weakness can become a strength. ….ready when You are, I suppose. I’ll be here, failing in the meantime.