My personality is so annoying. When someone does or says something that goes against God’s word (Christian or not), i absolutely cannot put it down until I confront that person, and sometimes, that comes in un-thought-out and blunt ways. So i create confrontation. But then i can’t handle the tension that the confrontation brought and end up apologizing until it’s smoothed over, so i can get my heart rate back to normal and my eyes dry. I absolutely cannot deal with confrontation. My mind gets fuzzy, I cry loudly, I lose my appetite, I get sick, my heart races… until it’s smoothed over. So why then, do i have a strong pull to confront people about things?! Ridiculous.

I am learning to stop, breathe, and come up with more effective and ’softer’ ways of confronting people, but then i still end up almost immediately apologizing for the possible offense of bringing it up. What am I supposed to do?

Paul seemed to struggle with this. How timely that just yesterday I read this scripture in 2 Cor. 7:8
“I am not sorry that I sent that severe letter to you, though I was sorry at first, for I know it was painful to you for a little while. ⁹ Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways.”

One thing i have learned is that being blunt doesn’t work. While the message may be true, the method of delivery drives people away, builds walls of defense and resentment, and most certainly does not change behavior or open people’s eyes to what you want them to see.

Why couldn’t i get Exhorter, or Merciful, or Administration, or something where confrontation wasn’t a constant issue.

God, redeem me. Give me patience and understanding on how to deal with the personality you’ve given me. Give me insight to know how best to handle situations, opinions. Help me know when to just ‘let it go’ and then you have to really help me let it go. I want to serve your kingdom, but need guidance. Thank you for who you have made me to be, and now help me be who you want me to be.

I got into photography about a year ago – just started playing around with it. I really just wanted some decent scrapbook pictures, but this hobby is quickly turning into somewhat of a business. I’m not sure I’m really ok with that – i enjoy it so much more when i do just simply because i love it. I am going to have to learn to combine the two, I fear, as people i don’t know are starting to ask for a photo shoot.

It is pretty fun to be able to do a few things that earn money for us. I still teach piano lessons and voice lessons, I have my photo card company which God is really trusting me with, evidently, because it’s doing really well, and now I do photography. It’s a fun life. I could never ask for more.

Now if we can just get this potty training thing down with Summer, everything will be perfect….

What an impossible task, and yet, unless I can do it, He’s not real.

My niece and nephew have, through reasonable experience, understandably come to believe that there is no God, and if there really is a God, that He’s not anyone they would want to be associated with (Old Testament stories bug me too). I had the impossible task of answering questions like, “Why did God COMMAND slavery and murder?” – “Why doesn’t God perform miracles now?” – “Why are there inaccuracies between the 4 Gospels?” – “When did Adam and Eve come to be (assuming that God used Evolution to create us, which as of now, i do believe)?” – “Why did God choose YOU to talk to and give experiences to, but never ME?” – “Why did God create all of this then – the Earth, us, the Universe – if He’s just going to lose most of the people He puts on it? (excellent question, by the way)” – “What does God killing himself have to do with me going to Heaven?” – “Why, if you believe that God hates me enough to send me to Hell, do you want to hang out with me if you believe in God?”…..  the questions came for 2 hours. They were ALL valid, good, reasonable questions.

It was in no way any kind of attack – they were honest and genuine questions. They are passionate about it. They truly care. And I obviously truly failed to give solid answers. They were mostly good enough answers for ME, but to someone who does not believe that the Bible is true, the answers fail miserably.

A conversation like that makes me question my faith. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. I’m glad, actually, that I allow my faith to be questioned. I want truth above ANYthing. For 10 years, my prayer has only been for God to bless me with the truth. I pray again that He shows me truth…. convinces me of it. I sure hope I’m not making my “God” experiences up. I don’t think I am.

I don’t blame them one bit for believing the way they do. Why does God pass them over day after day? Why won’t He speak to them in their language? Does everything always have to be so abstract? They need something tangible! Everyone does at some point. We are just humans with eyes to ’see and believe,’ and flighty hearts whose emotion could be related to God……  or just about anything else.

I love those two – they are so fun to be around – easy to laugh with and totally fun to watch movies with. They are real! Real with others and real with themselves. …what an admirable quality. I concede, it makes me pretty angry (with God) that their experience has led them here. Doesn’t He care to find them too? He knows how.  Countless prayers of petition have been directed toward their safety and open hearts and experience. They don’t lack ambition or interest. I just don’t understand, and I don’t want to say that it’s ok that “I just don’t understand.”  I want God to answer up! “Our God is the God who saves” is the song i last heard in my car…       I’m waiting!! Show up! Save them! You know how!

I guess that’s it.

Besides the pointless plot, slow storyline, terrible dialogue, poor choice of actors (Dwight), etc., etc., Transformers 2 disappointed the most thanks to its amazing immorality. i felt so bad for the mom and 10-year old boy sitting next to me. The producers were obviously throwing in as many swear words and fake swear words as they could, just for the sake of pushing the boundaries, and putting in as many sexual images of countless girls as they could. Why does the media want to corrupt us? I really don’t understand. It reminds me of a high schooler who pushes their friends to drink with him to justify his drinking. HIGH SCHOOL mentality of peer pressure. Like a kid daring another kid to go into the haunted house, knowing a murdered hides out there. I don’t get it. I hope that my kids will grow up strong in their faith.

I grew up around Mormon kids – an enormously good thing. We wanted to obey! Our challenges to each other was to see how well we could keep God’s commands. What a blessing. I have been noticing that Christian teens aren’t much different than all of the other kids as far as moral standard, expectation for themselves, peer pressure…  it worries me a lot and I don’t understand why their standard is so much different that the LDS standard.

God, bless Aria and Summer to become the trendsetters, strong and courageous for You! Bless them with experience and love so they will love You fullheartedly and pass that on to their peers.