What an impossible task, and yet, unless I can do it, He’s not real.

My niece and nephew have, through reasonable experience, understandably come to believe that there is no God, and if there really is a God, that He’s not anyone they would want to be associated with (Old Testament stories bug me too). I had the impossible task of answering questions like, “Why did God COMMAND slavery and murder?” – “Why doesn’t God perform miracles now?” – “Why are there inaccuracies between the 4 Gospels?” – “When did Adam and Eve come to be (assuming that God used Evolution to create us, which as of now, i do believe)?” – “Why did God choose YOU to talk to and give experiences to, but never ME?” – “Why did God create all of this then – the Earth, us, the Universe – if He’s just going to lose most of the people He puts on it? (excellent question, by the way)” – “What does God killing himself have to do with me going to Heaven?” – “Why, if you believe that God hates me enough to send me to Hell, do you want to hang out with me if you believe in God?”…..  the questions came for 2 hours. They were ALL valid, good, reasonable questions.

It was in no way any kind of attack – they were honest and genuine questions. They are passionate about it. They truly care. And I obviously truly failed to give solid answers. They were mostly good enough answers for ME, but to someone who does not believe that the Bible is true, the answers fail miserably.

A conversation like that makes me question my faith. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. I’m glad, actually, that I allow my faith to be questioned. I want truth above ANYthing. For 10 years, my prayer has only been for God to bless me with the truth. I pray again that He shows me truth…. convinces me of it. I sure hope I’m not making my “God” experiences up. I don’t think I am.

I don’t blame them one bit for believing the way they do. Why does God pass them over day after day? Why won’t He speak to them in their language? Does everything always have to be so abstract? They need something tangible! Everyone does at some point. We are just humans with eyes to ’see and believe,’ and flighty hearts whose emotion could be related to God……  or just about anything else.

I love those two – they are so fun to be around – easy to laugh with and totally fun to watch movies with. They are real! Real with others and real with themselves. …what an admirable quality. I concede, it makes me pretty angry (with God) that their experience has led them here. Doesn’t He care to find them too? He knows how.  Countless prayers of petition have been directed toward their safety and open hearts and experience. They don’t lack ambition or interest. I just don’t understand, and I don’t want to say that it’s ok that “I just don’t understand.”  I want God to answer up! “Our God is the God who saves” is the song i last heard in my car…       I’m waiting!! Show up! Save them! You know how!

I guess that’s it.

Besides the pointless plot, slow storyline, terrible dialogue, poor choice of actors (Dwight), etc., etc., Transformers 2 disappointed the most thanks to its amazing immorality. i felt so bad for the mom and 10-year old boy sitting next to me. The producers were obviously throwing in as many swear words and fake swear words as they could, just for the sake of pushing the boundaries, and putting in as many sexual images of countless girls as they could. Why does the media want to corrupt us? I really don’t understand. It reminds me of a high schooler who pushes their friends to drink with him to justify his drinking. HIGH SCHOOL mentality of peer pressure. Like a kid daring another kid to go into the haunted house, knowing a murdered hides out there. I don’t get it. I hope that my kids will grow up strong in their faith.

I grew up around Mormon kids – an enormously good thing. We wanted to obey! Our challenges to each other was to see how well we could keep God’s commands. What a blessing. I have been noticing that Christian teens aren’t much different than all of the other kids as far as moral standard, expectation for themselves, peer pressure…  it worries me a lot and I don’t understand why their standard is so much different that the LDS standard.

God, bless Aria and Summer to become the trendsetters, strong and courageous for You! Bless them with experience and love so they will love You fullheartedly and pass that on to their peers.

I discovered something sad about myself today: I was really super duper nice to people inquiring about Heavenfest. Why is this so sad? ..because i am NOT super duper nice to everyone else – especially photo card chef customers… i’m just normal to them.

I realized that the reason i’m so nice to Heavenfest people is because they know I’m Christian, they are Christian, and i know they just expect it of me.

I should honor God in how I deal with non-Christians even MORE than how I deal with Christians.

Good lesson today, however small.